


Lost in the Void

by orphan_account



Series: i've got you [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: A lot of comfort, Angst, Comfort, Depression, Dystopian, Friendship, I need to stop with the mcr lyrics I swear, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Loneliness, M/M, Recovery, Relapse, Science Fiction, Self Harm, Silence, Song Lyrics, Stars, Stick around, Suicide, Thank you for alll of it x, Unreliable updates, You guys give me motivation to, actually I never will, hope ya enjoy, i owe you my life, its some sad stuff, past self harm, poetic prose????, so thank you for that ❤️, space, void
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-10-05
Packaged: 2018-12-23 18:52:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 2,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11995893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Two solitary spaceships.Alone in the infinite universe.The pilots have lost everything.Will they ever collide?EDIT: There is going to be a sequel to this story, feel free to read it if you like xoEDIT: This is now on Wattpad as well x





	1. is there even a tomorrow?

**Author's Note:**

> So I got the vague idea from some dystopian, sci fi, story i wrote for my english class. It was really long but in the end, it wasn't as good as it had been and kinda went away from the criteria.
> 
> The only idea i took is the destruction and the space element.
> 
> I thought I would have a crack at writing a multi chapter story and hopefully improve my writing the process; maybe take my mind off everything i'm feeling at the moment.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy it! :)
> 
> I'm really hyped to write this as sci fi is one of my favourite genres to read and write :D

It was the year 2503 when Earth finally died.

It wasn't a surprise to anyone, really, the Earth had been warming up for centuries.

But when Earth finally waved goodbye, so did everyone else, even though they didn't want to.

Some embraced the end, welcoming death with open arms.

Others screamed and held their children tightly, telling them they loved them so much and that they always would be there - in life and in death.

 

* * *

 

 

There was no more ice, no more water, no more mountains, no more people, no more anything.

It was all gone.

But only minutes before the world burned,

two little spaceships set off into space with limited space and

with one pilot in each.

And the pilots, had to watch everything and everyone they had ever loved

disappear and fall away,

to ash or to nothing.

 


	2. i could have been a better son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wrote this while listening to mama - it's a heartbreaking song :(

One of the pilots had pink hair.

He had brown eyes that crinkled when he smiled,

but he wasn't smiling now.

Joshua William Dun was not smiling.

His world was falling apart, his world already had.

His mum, his dad, his brother and his siblings were all gone.

In the blink of an eye, one moment they were there and the next...

they were gone.

~~~~**_It's all your fault_ **

****_you killed them!!!!_  
YOU LEFT THEM THERE  
ALONE ALONE ALONE. 

**_you don't deserve to be here._ **

The pink haired boy pressed his hands to his temples and pressed hard, willing his brain to shut up.

NO ONE WAS THERE so he whispered "ah, fuck it." and screamed for his mind to shut up.

He was alone, alone alone.

He had no one.

He killed them.

It was all his fault.

He was alone.

His family were dead.

It was all his fault.

He knew it was telling the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> being alone is the worst time to be in your head
> 
> if you would like me to continue, maybe drop me a comment and tell me what you think so far |-/


	3. we hear no sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he thinks he has no one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I love space lol)

And so Josh stood before the vast emptiness,

consumed by grief and self hatred

but all he could do 

in that moment

was simply marvel at the beauty before his eyes. 

There were infinite swirls of colour, planets coming to life, stars flickering and burning. 

Blues, blacks, oranges, red, purples, pinks, greens.

He never thought he would live

or survive to see the place 

he dreamt about as his mother had rocked him to sleep. 

He was so insignificant,

the toxicity seeped into his brain 

**_you're nothing_ **

**_you should just leave_ **

**_do yourself a favour_ **

**_I mean,_ **

**_you did kill your parents after all._ **

As the words flew around his skull 

Josh screamed into the emptiness 

_**you're alone alone alone** _

_**ALONE** _

and if someone happened to pass the screaming boy

they would have heard no sound. 


	4. i can't ever wake up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the other pilot awakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from sleep by mcr.
> 
> lyrics used in this chapter from Helena.  
> hyped because i passed my piano exam :)

The boy with the brown hair opened his eyes,

vision blurred with exhaustion,

he struggled to focus on 

himself.

Tyler Robert Joseph stood, before the infinite stretch of black, hand pressed to the cool glass, 

that sent chills through his fingertips. 

_Can you hear me?_

His family were

screaming for him

to stay

_Are you near me?_

Madison squeezed her brother's hand, her eyes wet with tears

"I'm scared Ty." She whispered softly. 

_Can we pretend to leave?_

Tyler held Zak, Jay and Madi close - "I... I love you guys, so much, okay?"

Zak held Tyler closer "Why are you leaving?"

Tyler saw his mother and father, crying and embracing each other. 

His mother mouthed at her eldest son -  _You have to leave, baby boy. Mommy will always love you._

"Because there is always hope. I'm going to find that hope."

"Take us please! Please Ty!" The siblings cried out. 

"If you ever need me, look to the stars. I... I can't take you-" Tyler's voice cracked. 

Wiping the tears from his cheeks and rubbing his eyes, he held and kissed his family for (unbeknownst to him) the last time. 

_We'll meet again when -_

Tyler was in the void of space. 

Just him. And the stars. 

And his family behind him, he would go home. 

He had too. 

_\- both our cars collide_

And then 

the Earth went up in flames. 

His family were no longer crying.

Because they were gone.

And Tyler was falling

into pieces. 


	5. the pages are all torn and frayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he is devoid of hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Tetracontagon for the support. :)

His legs gave way

they were dead. 

All of them

his mom, his dad

Zak, Jay and Madi. 

His friends...

they weren't with him anymore. 

He never even said

goodnight. 

Tyler didn't want to be awake anymore 

he wanted to escape everything 

even if it was only for a moment. 

And with that 

he drifted off into a fitful sleep 

of nightmares

and self loathing. 


	6. you will always burn as bright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the world will never break him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from the light behind your eyes
> 
> sorry I have an awful memory so had to re read my own fanfic to remember I have to update
> 
> this chapter is based on a selection of poems I wrote about emotions - I enjoy recycling writing as you can tell

The pink haired boy's shoulders were slumped. 

Self hatred 

despair 

pressed down on his spinal chord. 

He fell back on his small bed, the creaking of the bed frame, his heavy breathing, his heartbeat; the only sounds in the otherwise empty ship. 

All he could do was drown in his own head 

he didn't have drums 

he didn't have his music 

just the silence. 

The infinite

numbing 

hurting

silence. 

_When I was a young boy_

_my father-_

and with that line

Josh's voice cracked 

he fell to his knees 

head in his hands 

and cried. 

For all he had lost 

**_because it was his fault._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay alive everyone.


	7. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter, a life update 
> 
> TW FOR SELF HARM

First of all, 

If anyone reads this fic 

sorry. 

I won't be updating this fic for a week or so because I relapsed into self harm. I'm also struggling with ideas due to all the negativity in my head at the moment 

Also feeling extremely suicidal for some reason shit well fuck me I'm crying - I'm just so ASHAMED BECAUSE I THOUGHT I was better I guess :'''''(

Im very very sorry I disappointed you guys. 

Ive been having a really hard time and started school a couple weeks back which is a major trigger. 

I just feel so fucking lost at the moment. Currently listening to Tyler singing o come Emmanuel which is making me cry due to how strong they both are

It's like I'm in a car, driving through the thickest, infinite fog and there's so much static and the only thing I can hear is the music and my thoughts.

I'm so sorry, just thought like I should give you a reason. 

But whatever you do, please don't turn to self harm and please don't start. It's too easy to get addicted or for it to become regular which I don't want for ANY OF YOU. IT ONLY MAKES THE PAIN go away for a second then I'm left with the shame that I'm a complete utter piece of shit

Please don't, please I beg of you tell someone, whether it be someone on archive, a friend, a cousin, a teacher. 

You WILL FEEL BETTER if you tell someone because you're not alone in this I promise xx  
I told my parents when I started self harming, but now I don't because I'm just so ashamed of what I do and how they will react. No one knows apart from me I guess and you guys.

Buffythelocalkilljoy xxoox <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please stay the fuck alive  
> I love you all so much <33


	8. but I miss you more than I did yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> josh remembers.   
> it won't leave  
> The horrors stick to his broken form 
> 
> Tw for self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm back! 
> 
> I missed updating this story over the past few days and am feeling inspired i don't know why. 
> 
> I hope you're all doing okay; if you're not, remember I love all of you and send all my hugs *hugs*
> 
> Let's get into this story- expect format etc to change as this entire thing is me experimenting aha sorry

Look at the boy

the invisible boy

the boy who has nothing and nobody by his side

other than the all consuming loneliness

and the sharp objects by his bed. 

There were sore

stark

red lines

on his forearms that stared at him from his pale skin.

self consciously he yanked the sleeves of his hoodie down over the lines

muttering to himself all the while.

he remembers the way they looked at him 

with the fury and the hatred and the darkness.

His family despised him 

josh escaped 

but he's a weak piece of shit so left his 

siblings behind.

But of course,

his parents love them

apologies, Loved them.

they never loved Josh

he as ungrateful 

he was worthless

he was an awful brother and son

because he left them

because 

he 

killed them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still in a bad state of mind.   
> But that's okay.   
> I'll be okay. <3
> 
> Thanks for all your support and love guys.   
> Expect another update soon :D


	9. (if) i fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It went wrong 
> 
> And he's terrified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> really not happy with how this turned out but wanted to update.   
> SOrry :(

Josh was seated. 

There was an alarm blaring

he didn't care anymore

It was so loud

cutting through the white noise

the fog

in his head. 

The blaring grew louder 

something was wrong

but Josh just wanted to see the colours 

the colours that 

brightened his monochromatic world

his world of self hatred

red lines

low self esteem

the desire to feel 

something other than numb.

Josh is stubborn 

all he wants is

to feel 

something other than lost.

He had no idea

that the power from

the darkness beyond

tore his ship to pieces.

He hadn't noticed the freezing cold 

that made his vision go black

as he willingly

embraced the oblivion.

it truly is a fragile thing,

life.

 


	10. don't look back (hold on tight)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drifting  
> Light  
> Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently listening and watching the vid for the kids from yesterday and crying  
> That song means so much to me oh my god <3  
> Why do I do this to myself

There was so much light swarming his vision

yet there was also a heavy darkness trickling in

drop by venomous drop

hurting him

more than the lines on his forearms.

Josh was so cold

he was freezing  

his vision was fading 

everything was so

slow  

the stars said goodnight

the boy closed his eyes

heart breaking

Mind closing,

breathing slowing,

it 

all

       Stopped 

 

_We'll meet again_

_When both_

_our cars collide_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay the fuck alive  
> <33
> 
> Keep running <3


	11. take my fuxking hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light and a voice that isn't in his head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Currently listening to Our Lady of Sorrows and for some reason I love hearing hear gee swear aha 
> 
> It's an awesome song lol.   
> Chapter title censored because I am a well behaved child who never swears   
> Ha why the fuck not ??
> 
> This is hopefully what you've been waiting for <33

There was a boy with pink hair

suspened by nothing 

he was just

there. 

Tyler Joseph saw the boy

floating in the void before him. 

He was shocked to find his cheeks wet with tears and his hands had stopped shaking. Carefully, yanking his small helmet over his head 

he opened the lock and freezing air rushed in as the brunette struggled to grab the small boy

and drag him close. 

* * *

 

The boy was cold

too cold

bad cold.

Putting his ear to his chest, he heard the dull drone of a heartbeat 

He had never been so happy to that noise before

apart from the beep of the monitor when he had woken up

in the plain, bland hospital

his parents and siblings sobbing by him

and the regret that hurt more than the blade.

Gently 

the boy shook the shoulders of his frozen passenger

there was a raspy cough and a sharp gasp - followed by tears leaking from the lost boy's mocha eyes. 

"I.. I thought I was alone."

tyler gripped the boy's hand "you never will be, I promise. 

What's your name?"

The boy with the rose hair mumbled and looked up at Tyler "Joshua. Josh Dun." 

"I'm Tyler, Tyler Joseph."

Josh giggled quietly, a smile making his eyes crinkle. 

"What?" Tyler chuckled

"Aw nothing - you sounded like James Bond."

"Original Joshua, original." Tyler said dryly, still smiling though. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we reclaim our innocence?


	12. would you let me know (your plans tonight?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've stuck with this then thank you xx
> 
> Title from friend, please that song makes me cry everytime

"How did you end up here?" Josh called out to Tyler. 

The brunette rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his knotted hair.

"I was searching for hope.

Then I looked behind me... and they were gone." His voice cracked.

Josh looked to the other boy and embraced him in an bone-crushing hug. Whispering "I know, I saw it too."

Tyler was shocked to find he was crying into Josh's shoulder, quickly, he backed away "Sorry, I don't even know you, it must be awkward." Tyler mumbled - laughing hesitantly.

Josh smiled gently and shook his head. "Nah, it's fine." His eyes crinkled.

Tyler liked it when the boy's eyes crinkled.

"Why are you out here?" 

"My parents had no time for me," Josh replied, he trailed off. "Only my siblings cared I was leaving them."

* * *

 

Tyler fell back onto his small bed. "It's a bunk, ya know, so feel free to use it."

Josh was staring out the glass.

The void,

the colours,

the lights.

The simplicity of it was stunning.

* * *

 

Josh was examining the lines on his wrists

_You don't deserve his help_

_You're nothing_

Tyler was suddenly behind Josh and noticed the boy hastily pull down his sleeves.

"Can I?" Tyler asked timidly.

Josh had been crying, he offered his forearms to Tyler who ran his fingers over the scars.

* * *

 

"Come to me, if you get the urge, okay?"

"I will, I promise." He smiled, with the most sincerity he had in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope this was alright - kinda having writer's block which is fun x
> 
> Probably won't update for a few days or so because I'm stressed out as hhheeellllll about exams also it's my birthday on Friday yay <3


	13. Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry

Once again, this isn't a chapter. 

Im sorry for disappointing all of you but everything is so fucking dark and it's all so bad right now 

the suicidal thoughts have been getting so much worse and I turned to self harm but it makes me feel even worse. I can't stop something's wrong with me. 

It helps me feel something I suppose

Im ruining my parents -

they arge about me and my mum got so angry this morning she told me to just get out and didn't even say she loved me. That hurt so much

i don't deserve this existence when I'm so fucking pointless and just a burden they don't need to worry but at the same time I feel like I'm disappearing and there's nothing I can do

its so loud in my head that all I want to do is die  

I want to kill myself.

It's my birthday on Friday and I didn't think I'd make it. I probably won't at this rate. 

Im hopeless and I'm so so sorry. 

I don't know what to do. 

When did it all go so wrong for me? I'm so messed up and so terrified. 

Im so sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to survive - I'll try for all of you x  
> Edit: I'm still here, I hope you're proud of me- your support mean so much to me x


	14. you will be found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tyler takes the hurt away  
> (i didn't have a tyler when i tried)
> 
>  
> 
> tw: suicide attempt, self harm, intrusive thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.  
> what to say...  
> thank you for understanding, thank you for the support.  
> taking this rollercoaster one day at a goddamn time x  
> im so dissociative at the moment, dont know what im feeling, or even if im feeling anything.  
> i feel like i disappointed you guys. and for that im sorry.  
> but i stayed alive :')  
> i hope you're all okay frens  
> my friends, there are so many reasons to stay believe me when i say that - you just need to find yours x
> 
> this chapter means a lot to me because it chronicles the emotions i felt when i wanted to take my own life.  
> but i didn't.  
> 

The pain was overwhelming the boy with the pink hair.

He was screaming into nothingness

into silence.

He was pleading for it all to 

stop.

He knew he didn't deserve to be here

**_Finish it_ **

**_You too weak to finish the job?_ **

**_you piece of fucking shit._ **

He needed to cry,

no he wanted to.

He wanted to get the emotion out without the hurt and the red and the blood.

The blood made it worse.

He hated it, but in so many ways he deserved it.

He held the blade to the healing, scarred, cut skin on his wrist and yanked once - horizontally.

It didn't really hurt.

But it did at the same time.

Even though he didn't cut deep enough and his brain was screaming that

_**YOU CAN'T EVEN KILL YOURSELF RIGHT** _

_**YOU FUCK UP** _

_**WASTE OF SPACE** _

He could feel the fight leaving him - but at the same time, acceptance.

* * *

Cursing to himself, he grabbed some plasters and tissues and pressed down on his wrist

he didn't want to leave

but he wanted to at the same time.

* * *

Then he realised what he had tried to do.

And Josh sat there.

Numb, alone.

Hurting.

But he was still breathing.

He didn't want to lose himself, but he did and that hurt worse than the fucking blade.

* * *

Tyler ran in after hearing the tears

and the cries.

"Josh, oh shit..." He whimpered.

The other boy looked at him, his eyes.... empty.

"I've got you."

Josh cried and cried.

* * *

Tyler removed the metal instrument 

that made Josh hurt 

from the boy's trembling fingers.

Then he threw it into the infinite oblivion. 

"I've got you," Tyler said again.

"I've got you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> talk, please talk to someone,  
> im not brave enough,  
> but you guys are.  
> do me proud killjoys. xx
> 
> i never told anyone about what i tried to do yesterday apart from you guys i suppose.  
> no one needs to know. they'll hate me.
> 
> It's my birthday tomorrow what the fuck aha xx


	15. isn't it truly remarkable?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They accept whatever will come their way

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter.  
> Sorry if it's an abrupt ending, I felt like it was time for it to come to an end. There is no way in my mind to continue this without it losing its spark. I want it to keep its spark.  
> I hope you enjoyed reading this story. It's been brilliant to write. I loved every second. So thank you. 
> 
> It's been a long, difficult ride so thanks for sticking with this. <3

There it was 

it was so... beautiful and dark and empty and haunted. 

The two boys

had never realised just

how truly alone they were. 

It was just them

the metal which they called a home

and their shattered spirits

that hope still resided within. 

* * *

No matter how bad it got

they had each other and that was remarkable. 

* * *

They kept on going. 

Going to nowhere or somewhere. 

Drifiting into void and nothingness. 

But they still lived. 

They were alive. 

They would carry on no matter what. 

* * *

 

The boys came together

broken and scared

lost and hurting.

They were no longer lost.

They were found.

Found in whatever lay before them.  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How rare and beautiful  
> It truly is  
> That we  
> exist.  
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> now the night is coming to an end  
> the sun will rise and we will try again
> 
> keep running <3


End file.
